Menu
Cart
Name Price QTY

Subtotal:
Tax included. Shipping calculated at checkout.

View cart

Your cart is empty

    MOTHERHOOD //

    Matrescence: The Identity Shift No One Talks About

    Matrescence: The Identity Shift No One Talks About

    Everyone talks about the baby—but what about the person birthing them? Matrescence, the psychological and emotional transformation that comes with becoming a mother, is rarely discussed but deeply felt. It’s messy, beautiful, disorienting, and totally valid. At Dandy, we’re shedding light on this complex identity shift, exploring why it matters and how to navigate it with more compassion (and far less pressure to “bounce back”).

    By Dandy / Apr 09 2025
    Save to Favourites

    We talk a lot about pregnancy. About baby names, birth plans, stretch marks and sleep deprivation. But there’s one part of the motherhood experience that still feels strangely underexplored — and that’s matrescence.

     

    Not adolescence. Not motherhood. But the messy, emotional, in-between transformation that happens when someone becomes a mother.

     

    It’s a word most people haven’t heard of, but once you learn it, something clicks. Because matrescence is more than a life stage. It’s a seismic identity shift. And in a culture that praises the “bounce back” and filters out the complexity, it’s exactly the kind of conversation we need to be having.

    What Is Matrescence?

    Matrescence is the term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael (the same woman who brought us the word “doula”) to describe the physical, psychological and emotional transition into motherhood. Think of it as the maternal equivalent of adolescence — a profound shift that affects not just your body, but your mind, your relationships and your sense of self.

     

    Unlike adolescence, though, matrescence isn’t widely recognised. It’s not officially part of medical models or mental health frameworks, which means many people go through it without language, validation or support.

     

    Instead, new mothers are often left wondering why they feel like strangers to themselves — while being handed nappy cream samples and sleep training guides.
    Title

    SHOP

    beauty
    BUTTER BRICK Solid Face and Body Cleanser

    BUTTER BRICK Solid Face and Body Cleanser

    £14.00
    RUB Solid Balm

    RUB Solid Balm

    £32.00
    SOAK Bath Salts

    SOAK Bath Salts

    £38.00
    SMOOTH Body Oil

    SMOOTH Body Oil

    £44.00
    Iron

    Iron

    £16.00
    Skin Hydrator

    Skin Hydrator

    £36.00
    Skin Filter

    Skin Filter

    £38.00
    Multi Vitamin Women

    Multi Vitamin Women

    £28.00
    Defense Drops

    Defense Drops

    £25.00
    Sleep Drops

    Sleep Drops

    £20.00
    Vitamin C

    Vitamin C

    £16.00
    True Hydration Sachets

    True Hydration Sachets

    £24.00
    Wild Collagen

    Wild Collagen

    £29.00
    True Collagen

    True Collagen

    £29.00
    Tremella

    Tremella

    £49.99
    Title

    Why We Don’t Talk About It

    There’s a strange silence around maternal identity. We talk about babies, milestones and feeding preferences, but we rarely ask the mother: “Who are you becoming?”

     

    In part, it’s cultural. Motherhood is still romanticised, flattened into pastel aesthetics and one-liners about “the hardest job in the world”. There’s little space for the mess, the ambivalence, the grief of letting go of who you were before.

     

    It’s also to do with productivity. We live in a world that values output. And motherhood, especially in its early stages, is full of invisible labour and emotional energy that doesn’t show up on a spreadsheet.

     

    So instead of honouring the transformation, we rush women back to work, back to their bodies, back to a version of themselves that no longer fits.

    What Matrescence Feels Like

    Everyone’s experience is different, but there are some common threads that run through the matrescence journey:

     

    • Feeling emotionally raw or overstimulated, even during joyful moments
       
    • Questioning your identity or struggling to connect with your pre-baby self
       
    • A shifting sense of purpose, priorities and values
       
    • Tension in relationships, especially if roles or dynamics change
       
    • Moments of deep love alongside feelings of loss or confusion
       
    • A strange kind of invisibility — like you’re present but fading behind the “mum” label
       

    These feelings don’t mean something is wrong. In fact, they’re signs that something important is happening. You’re not just caring for a new human. You’re becoming someone new too.

    FIND A

    Pro / Wellness Space 

    Pro / Wellness Space 

    NEAR YOU

    DANDY DIRECTORY

    It’s Not Just Hormones

    Yes, hormones play a part. Postpartum oestrogen drops dramatically. Oxytocin spikes during bonding. The brain literally rewires itself in response to motherhood.

    But matrescence goes beyond biology. It’s also social, spiritual, emotional. It brings up old wounds. It challenges identity. It asks big questions: Who am I now? What do I want? What matters?

     

    And because there’s no set timeline, it can happen gradually, over years. For some, it begins in pregnancy. For others, the real shift doesn’t hit until toddlerhood or even adolescence. It’s not linear. It’s layered.

    Why Language Matters

    When you have a name for your experience, you have power. Naming matrescence means you’re not broken, hormonal or overly sensitive. You’re in transition. You’re evolving.

     

    It also creates space for conversation. Instead of asking new mums how the baby is sleeping, we can ask how they are navigating their own becoming. Instead of pushing “back to normal”, we can make space for what’s new, strange and meaningful.

     

    Language validates. It softens shame. It says: you’re not alone.

    Dandy, Delivered : Unlock 15% Off 

    Subscibe to claim your exclusive discount
    Thank you for joining Dandy! Expect premium wellness insights, exclusive offers, and updates straight to your inbox.

    How to Support the Matrescence Process

    Whether you're going through it yourself or supporting someone else, here’s what helps:

     

     

    1. Ditch the “bounce back” narrative

     

    Bodies change. Priorities change. Identities shift. The goal isn’t to return to who you were — it’s to discover who you’re becoming.

     

     

    2. Find your people

     

    Matrescence can feel isolating. But there’s huge power in hearing “me too”. Seek out spaces where the full spectrum of the motherhood experience is welcome — the joy, the rage, the grief, the weirdness.

     

     

    3. Give yourself permission to feel it all

     

    You can be deeply grateful for your baby and still miss your freedom. You can feel love and frustration at the same time. Complex emotions are not contradictions. They’re part of the process.

     

     

    4. Reflect intentionally

     

    If journalling is your thing, use it. If not, voice notes, walks, even conversations with a trusted friend can be powerful ways to process the shift. Ask yourself: What do I need? What have I lost? What have I gained?

     

     

    5. Work with professionals who get it


     

    Not all therapists, doctors or coaches are matrescence-informed. If you’re struggling, look for people who understand the nuance. This isn’t just “baby blues” or a bad day — it’s a major life shift, and you deserve support.

    The Dandy Takeaway

    Matrescence is a quiet revolution. It’s a reminder that motherhood is not just a role, but a rite of passage. That becoming a parent isn’t just about logistics and lullabies — it’s a full-body, full-heart, full-identity transformation.

     

    And it’s one that deserves more than baby books and milestone trackers. It deserves honesty. Support. Language. Space.

     

    So whether you're in the thick of it, past it, or yet to experience it, let this be your reminder: the person you’re becoming matters just as much as the person you’re raising.

     

    Because matrescence isn’t about losing yourself. It’s about meeting yourself — maybe for the very first time.

    DANDY DEVOTION...

    the golden pill

    Elle Sera

    £49.99

    ENHANCED NAD+ COMPLEX

    ARTAH

    £60.00

    Icon Logo-Print Cotton-Blend Sweatshirt

    P.E.Nation

    £85.00

    The Quiet Strength of Choosing No

    Choosing not to have children is not an easy decision, and it is often met with societal scrutiny. But for the women who make this choice, it is a quiet but powerful act of reclaiming control over their lives. It’s about deciding that their worth is not tied to the role of motherhood and that they can live meaningful, purposeful lives without children.

    Conclusion: Empowerment Through Choice

    The women who are quietly quitting motherhood are sending a powerful message: that life is about more than fulfilling the roles society assigns to us. They are asserting their right to live authentically, without being defined by motherhood. It’s a quiet rebellion against a world that often tells women what they “should” be doing with their lives—and in doing so, they’re creating a new narrative for future generations. The choice to forgo motherhood isn’t a rejection of life’s beauty—it’s an affirmation that there are many ways to live a meaningful, fulfilling life.

     

    By quietly opting out, these women are defining their own futures, showing the world that womanhood isn’t just about having children, but about the freedom to choose the path that feels right for each individual. And in that, they are giving others the courage to do the same.

    Disclaimer: The content on this site is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider before making any decisions regarding your health or wellbeing.

    Share

    Exclusive Perks & Promotions

    FREE Shipping - All Orders

    15% Off Every Order

    Calling Wellness Pros

    As a wellness industry professional, you deserve more than just great products. Join our Dandy Pro Membership to access exclusive benefits tailored for experts like you. Enjoy 15% off every order, free shipping, and exclusive offers designed to elevate your practice and connect you with a community of like-minded professionals.

    APPLY NOW

    We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website.

    1