Is Self-Sabotage Your Shadow Side Showing? Here’s How to Spot It

Self-sabotage: it's that sneaky little voice that holds you back when you’re so close to a breakthrough. But what if it’s not just a bad habit—it’s your shadow side trying to stay in control? Here’s how to spot self-sabotage and take back the power.

By Dandy / Feb 19 2025

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Self-sabotage. It's that sneaky little gremlin inside your mind that whispers, "You don’t deserve that promotion," or "Why even bother, you’ll fail anyway?" You know the feeling: you start strong but somehow pull away from success at the last minute. The reality? You might be dealing with your shadow side—a part of yourself you’re unaware of, but one that can have a huge influence on your choices.

Don’t panic! It’s more common than you think. We’ve all had moments of self-doubt, procrastination, and avoiding the very things we want. The trick is learning to identify when your shadow side is running the show, so you can take back control.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Before we dive in, let’s define self-sabotage. It’s when your actions (or lack of them) work against your best interests, often without you even realising it. This could look like procrastination when there’s a deadline looming, skipping the gym when you promised yourself you’d go, or even engaging in negative self-talk that reinforces your fears.

Self-sabotage isn’t about being lazy or not trying hard enough. It’s deeper. It’s often linked to limiting beliefs, feelings of unworthiness, or fear of success. Your shadow side—the part of you that holds onto past trauma, shame, and suppressed desires—can wreak havoc on your growth if left unchecked.

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The Shadow Side Explained

In psychological terms, the “shadow” is a concept coined by Carl Jung. It represents the unconscious parts of ourselves that we hide away, often because they’re linked to past wounds or qualities we’ve been taught to repress. These hidden aspects of yourself can influence your behaviour in subtle, sneaky ways.

The thing is, everyone has a shadow side. It’s not some dark, mysterious villain lurking in the background—it’s simply the side of you that hasn’t fully been integrated into your conscious self. When these parts stay hidden, they often manifest in unhelpful patterns like self-sabotage.

How to Spot Self-Sabotage: 5 Signs Your Shadow Might Be in Charge

1. You’re Avoiding Success

Ever found yourself getting really close to achieving something you’ve worked hard for, only to backpedal? Perhaps you self-sabotage a promotion by missing deadlines or downplaying your achievements. If you’re scared of the changes success might bring or feel like you don’t deserve it, your shadow side might be quietly pulling the strings. Fear of success can feel like imposter syndrome, which tends to hold us back from fully embracing our abilities and potential.

2. You’re Stuck in Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be a form of self-sabotage. We often think that if we get everything “just right,” we’ll finally be worthy of success, love, or recognition. But perfectionism is a trap. It’s often about control, stemming from deep-seated fears and insecurities. If you constantly feel like your work isn’t good enough or delay projects because they’re not “perfect,” it might be time to explore where these feelings of inadequacy are coming from.

3. You Feel Unworthy of Success

If you catch yourself thinking, “I don’t deserve this,” every time something good happens, self-sabotage could be at play. The shadow side tends to feed on unresolved issues around self-worth. These could stem from childhood experiences or societal messages you internalised. The idea that you’re not good enough can lead to behaviours that unconsciously prevent you from reaching your goals.

4. You’re Sticking to What’s Familiar (Even When It’s Bad for You)

Your shadow doesn’t always want what’s best for you—it just wants what’s comfortable. So, if you find yourself staying in a job you hate or in a toxic relationship because it’s familiar, that’s your shadow at work. It thrives in the known and tries to protect you from the unfamiliar (even if that means sticking with something that’s holding you back).

5. You Overthink and Second-Guess Yourself

When you’re stuck in analysis paralysis, your shadow might be whispering doubt into your ear. Overthinking every decision can be a way to avoid taking action and facing potential failure. If you find yourself constantly wondering if you're making the right choice, it’s often rooted in fear of the unknown. Trust your instincts more, and try to differentiate between healthy caution and self-sabotaging second-guessing.

How to Overcome Self-Sabotage: Embrace Your Shadow Side

Now that we know how self-sabotage can manifest, let’s talk about how to stop it. It’s not about eradicating your shadow—because that’s impossible and would probably make things worse. Instead, it’s about integrating it into your conscious self. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge Your Shadow

The first step is awareness. Recognise when you’re engaging in self-sabotaging behaviours and ask yourself why. What’s behind that procrastination or fear of success? By shining a light on the parts of yourself you’ve been avoiding, you take away their power.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-sabotage often comes from a place of feeling unworthy or inadequate. Combat that by practising self-compassion. Talk to yourself like you would a friend. Would you tell them they’re not worthy of success? Would you judge them for making mistakes? Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding.

3. Challenge Your Beliefs

The limiting beliefs that fuel self-sabotage need to be challenged. Start by identifying the beliefs that are holding you back. Are they true? Where did they come from? Replace them with more empowering beliefs that encourage growth and change.

4. Set Realistic Goals

Perfectionism can often lead to self-sabotage, so set goals that are achievable. Break big projects into smaller tasks that feel manageable. Remember, growth doesn’t happen overnight. Celebrate the little wins along the way.

5. Take Action (Even If You’re Scared)

The more you avoid taking action, the more your shadow side gains control. The key to overcoming self-sabotage is taking small, consistent steps forward, even if you’re scared. By pushing through the fear, you prove to yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way.

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The Bottom Line: Embrace the Journey

Self-sabotage is a tricky, insidious thing that can stop you from reaching your full potential—but it doesn’t have to. Recognising when your shadow side is taking over is the first step in reclaiming control and making more empowered choices.

Remember, your shadow isn’t your enemy. It’s a part of you that needs attention and compassion. The more you understand it, the easier it will be to spot self-sabotage before it derails your progress. So, embrace the journey—flaws, imperfections, and all.

Ready to ditch self-sabotage? Your empowered, authentic self is waiting for you.