Open To Exploring Your Sexuality
Do You Have To Label Your Sexuality?
As with anything: you do not have to do anything that you don’t want to do.
For some, being able to identify with a clear sexual orientation can is useful to them in a number of ways. Firstly, they may be able to use dating apps or find potential sexual/love interests more easily if they have a specific sexual orientation. Secondly, they may find it easier to find community with others that also identify in the same way as they do. Thirdly, they may feel more confident about showing up exactly as who they are, clearly, with a label.
However, many people actually don’t like to label their sexuality as they feel it puts them into a box that may not accurately describe their sexuality or just doesn’t feel right.
So, before we even discuss exploring your sexuality, it’s first important to acknowledge that you definitely don’t have to label your sexual orientation if you don’t want to, but if you do, that’s great too!
What Are Common Sexual Orientations?
In case you do want to label your sexuality, connect to a certain sexual orientation, or simply want to know more about the most common sexual orientations and their definitions, here are a few definitions you might find helpful to know:
Asexual:
Asexual describes those who don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of gender.
Bisexual:
Bisexual describes those who are sexually and romantically attraction to people with genders that are both the same as them, and different. This is more traditionally known as being attracted to both men and women.
Demisexual:
Demisexual refers to those who are only able to feel sexually attracted to someone that they have an emotional connection with.
Gay/Lesbian:
Gay/Lesbian (primarily used for women) describes those who are sexually and romantically attracted to those of the same gender as themselves.
Pansexual:
Pansexual describes those who are able to feel both sexual and romantic attraction to anyone, regardless of their gender.
Queer:
Queer is an overarching term that describes those who are not heterosexual, but typically don’t fit so neatly into any of the common sexual identity definitions.
How To Explore Your Sexuality If You’re Single
Are you single and ready to take a deep dive into exploring your sexuality? Here are 5 things you can do to start out on this journey in the most impactful, safe, and beneficial way.
Get Your Research Cap On
The very first thing you want to do when it comes to exploring your sexuality is get researching! No, don’t worry, this won’t be like doing coursework and trying to pull references for your dissertation - it’ll be fun, I promise!
Listen to sex podcasts, watch interesting shows about sexuality, follow new social media accounts that discuss sex and sexuality, and join online groups with others that you identify with. If you have more knowledge and are able to connect with others when it comes to exploring your sexuality, you’re much more likely to feel confident exploring who you are and what you like.
Build Your Own Self-Confidence With Sex First
Before you start hopping into bed with all of the wonderful people out there, it’s important to take time for number one: you! Spend time exploring what feels good to you, question what turns you on the most to think about when you’re feeling aroused, and enjoy pleasuring yourself in new and exciting ways that feel good for you!
Explore The World of Porn (Ethically)
Whilst the world of pornography might have a bad rap, there are tonnes of ethical porn sites out there (or alternatively you can buy content from individuals directly. So, explore the world of ethical porn and see what you like! Trust me, this is an especially fun part that I’m sure you’re going to enjoy very much!
Having a better idea of what you’re attracted to and what really turns you on the most can help you more clearly identify with your own sexuality and know what you want to explore in real life with others.
Explore The Beautiful World of New People
Here comes the excitement: getting to explore your sexuality with others! Whether you are going to use your dating app differently by changing your preferences, you have a friend that you share a mutual attraction with, or you are simply going to be more open to meeting different people the next time you head for a night out, enjoy the process of expressing your desires with others.
Just remember to be safe, of course, and don’t feel pressured to do anything in the name of “exploring your sexuality” - sharing your newfound sexuality with someone else might take time for you to want to do, so don’t rush it!
Reflect On How Different People and Experiences Make You Feel
Whether it’s a hook-up you had with someone that you would have never gone for before or a new porn category that you tried out, make sure you reflect on how different experiences have made you feel. Think about what makes you feel good, what truly fills you with desire, what you want to do more (and less) of, and how you want to explore your sexuality further in the future.
Taking time to think consciously about your sexuality after sexual experiences can be a game changer in not only taking your pleasure more seriously moving forward, but even in defining your sexuality (if that’s something you want to do).
How To Explore Your Sexuality If You’re In A Relationship
If you’re in a relationship but you’re having feelings that you want to explore your sexuality, don’t panic. Whilst you might feel a little uncomfortable that these feelings have emerged whilst with your partner, it’s completely normal that you want to explore your sexuality and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is somehow not satisfying or strong.
However, when it comes to exploring your sexuality as someone in a relationship, you may just need to do things a little differently.
Here are the three most important things you can do to explore your sexuality when you have a partner:
Take Time To Explore Your Sexuality Alone
The first thing you need to do is take time to explore your sexuality alone. No, I’m not talking about running away and exploring with new people immediately, I’m talking about taking time for yourself on a regular basis to do some research, watch different types of ethical porn, listen to different podcasts, watch educational shows, and touch yourself in new ways.
Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that they have to be involved in every aspect of your life. Therefore, when you first want to start exploring your sexuality, feel free to do this by yourself before striking up a conversation with them about how you feel.
Open Up To Your Partner
Hopefully, you are in a relationship that has open, honest, and non-judgmental communication at its centre. Therefore, as soon as you feel ready to open up to your partner about how you are feeling and the desire you have to explore your sexuality, it’s a great idea to have a conversation with them.
Whilst this conversation might seem a little out of the blue to your partner, they might ask a lot of questions, and it might be difficult at some points, communicating with your partner about your desires can help the two of you understand what might have to change in the relationship or how you can explore this, together.
Try New Things or Explore New Relationship Dynamics
Whether it’s bringing toys into the bedroom, exploring role play, watching certain types of porn together, or even opening up your relationship in a way that suits you and your partner, there are a wide variety of things you can do in your relationship to feel like you can actively explore your sexuality.
So, don’t be afraid to try new things or explore different relationship dynamics: as long as open communication is always put first, there’s a strong foundation of support and love, and there’s active consent in every situation, you have to do what works for both of you.
Do You Need To Come Out?
There is absolutely no pressure to come out, even if you are 100% certain about where you stand on the sexual identity spectrum. Although coming out might help you to feel more confident and authentic, by allowing you to show up in the world proudly as who you really are, you should never feel as if you have to come out to anyone.
The most important thing is that you do exactly what feels right for you: if that means coming out to everyone around you, then do that, but if that means being confident in your sexuality but not sharing that with others, that’s completely fine too. After all, this is about you - you can share as much or as little as you like with others.
The Takeaway
Questioning your sexuality can take you on a rollercoaster of emotions - sometimes it’s exhilarating and you feel like you’re connecting with your true self and other times you feel scared and incredibly confused.
However, if you can get to a place where you are confident, proud, and open to exploring your sexuality, you’re likely to find out so much about yourself, who you are, and what you like, ultimately providing you with a deeper sense of self.
So go, explore those inklings, and see what you learn!
