Sex Parties – What You Need To Know
Sexy masks, kinky fantasies being played out, people feeling each other up in dark corners, and boujee event spaces - maybe these are things that call out “sex party” to you. Well, you wouldn’t be alone if that’s what you think!
Although some sex parties have elements of the above (thankfully - that all sounds pretty fun doesn’t it!), there are a lot of aspects to sex parties and you need to know quite a few things before attending them: it’s not a simple Eventbrite search and off you go!
So, if you are interested in heading to a sex party, or you’re simply intrigued to learn more about them, read on: here’s your guide to sex parties!
What Is A Sex Party?
Sex parties, also sometimes known as play parties, are events where people can come to enjoy sex and sexual play with one another, most often whilst being viewed and looking at others.
Whilst every sex party is unique, some specifically set a scene and create a safe place for people to play out their sexual fantasies and explore their kinks.
It’s important to note that just because sex parties hold space for people to engage in sexual activities, no one has to participate in sex or sexual activity with others. However, if not doing so, there are rules for those who are simply onlookers (as there are for so many things at sex parties, but we’ll get to that later!).
Who Can Go To A Sex Party?
Pretty much anyone is welcome at a sex party - consenting adults only though, of course!
However, there are also certain sex parties that only allow specific types of people to attend. For example, some sex parties are specifically for women and non-binary folks, whereas others can be for those in the LGBTQIA+ community.
The reason why certain sex parties specifically cater to certain types of people is to hold a safe space for these people in particular and to ensure everyone feels comfortable.
So, before you decide to head to a sex party, make sure you take a look to see if you’re allowed or if the party you’re interested in only caters to specific types of people.
Additionally, there are also parties that revolve around those in specific kink and fetish communities…
What Types of Kinks and Fetishes Are Played Out At Sex Parties?
Some sex parties are more “vanilla” and some are centred around more “hardcore” kinks and fetishes, so don’t expect the same from every party.
All sex parties will have rules and guidelines, so you can take a look to see which types of fetishes and kinks are allowed to be explored at a party and which aren’t.
If you are looking for a certain kink or fetish party, in particular, you will want to turn your attention to parties hosted and attended by the BDSM community.
If you are unsure whether it’s acceptable to do something, don’t just do it and hope for the best, since it could make others uncomfortable or put others at a party in danger.
Instead, always ask ahead of any sex party you attend what is allowed and what isn’t. Although, if you’re attending a reputable party, this should be common knowledge that’s widely shared in a voluntary manner with you before you even book a ticket.
6 Things To Do Before Heading To a Sex Party
Thinking you fancy a piece of the sex party pie? Well, here’s the prep work you need to do before you head to one!
Get tested + prepare for safe sex
It’s everyone’s responsibility at a sex party to make sure they are sexually healthy, which means it’s time to go and get a full sexual health screening! Additionally, prepare yourself for safe sex at the party by thinking about contraception and protecting yourself from STIs and other infections. Although there will likely be condoms and safe-sex measurements taken at the party, there’s no harm in being prepared!
Do your research
Whilst it might be tempting to search for local sex parties and sign up for the first one that comes up, you will need to do research to find the best party that aligns with you and avoid dangerous or scam parties. You may have to travel out of your local area or wait a while on a guestlist to attend a sex party that suits you, but it will be worth it.
Also, and it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway), avoid any shady websites and deceitful-looking pop-up ads. Head to sex parties that are properly established, marketed, and organised by transparent hosts.
Think about and set your boundaries
Before you step foot into any kind of sex party, make sure that you think about and set your boundaries. It can be easy to get caught up in a moment and do something that crosses a personal boundary, so think about your boundaries and prepare for what you’re willing to do and not willing to do, ahead of time.
Decide whether to attend alone or with someone
Are you wanting to attend a sex party alone or with someone? It’s important to figure this out from the get-go because if you’re heading there alone you’re going to want to make stronger connections with others attending before the party and take extra measures to ensure you’re safe by yourself.
Although you could head alone, it may be a good idea to head to your first sex party with a friend (or your partner, if it’s something you are both into and have discussed) as it may help you feel more comfortable.
Head to any pre-event meet-ups
A lot of sex parties, especially those that centre around bringing a community together on a regular basis, hold pre-event meet-ups, such as Klub Verboten in London. These events take place to allow new members to interact with other members, form friendships, and further help them understand what a sex party will entail.
The Do’s and Don’ts of Attending A Sex Party
So, you’ve chosen the party you want to attend, you know exactly how to prepare for the party, and you’re ready to dive in head-first. But, how should you act once you’re there?
Here are the top three do’s and don’ts when it comes to being at a sex party!
3 Things To Do At A Sex Party
Dress in accordance with guidelines
Obviously, you should be following all of the rules and guidelines that the club or organiser sets. However, the dress code is one that should be taken seriously and if you don’t, you might risk not being allowed inside the party.
Read the guidelines associated with outfits and if they don’t appear to exist, make sure you reach out to the organisers beforehand to confirm them. Most sex parties have strict dress codes and there’s nothing worse than being turned away at the door. So, dress right!
Decline anything that doesn’t align with your boundaries
You’re getting caught up in the moment, all revved up, and you’re about to try something that you had set a strict boundary about…stop what you’re doing and move on. There’s a reason for setting boundaries before you head to a sex party: it’s easy for the horny part of your brain to take over.
Make sure you’re declining any offer that doesn’t align with your boundaries and when you’re debriefing from the event, decide if the next time you head to a party you’d like to try whatever it was you declined.
Remember, there will always be more parties: take it slow!
Know who the organisers are and report anything that seems off
Sex parties are fully organised events (if you’re heading to the safe ones) and the organisers will often have several members of crew who make sure everything is going to plan and people are safe.
Make sure that you identify these crew members or the party organisers and speak up immediately during the party if you feel like you’ve seen or experienced anything that doesn’t seem right.
3 Things To Not Do At A Sex Party
Drink too much
Whilst there might be alcohol available at a sex party and you may want to have a small drink, it’s not a wise idea to overconsume alcohol. Sex parties aren’t nightclubs: drinking heavily isn’t the norm.
In fact, for your first sex party experience, you might want to prefer not drinking at all (a lot of people don’t drink at sex parties, so there’s no pressure to).
Observe or get involved without permission
Whilst different sex parties gave different rules, a focus on consent sits on the number one priority across the board. Always ask for consent and discuss things with other attendees before engaging in anything - this also applies to observing other’s play scenes.
Most sex parties have rules for voyeurism - it has to be consensual for everyone involved, just like any other kind of sexual act. So, don’t engage in it without consent, even if it’s not your specific kink.
Disrespect anyone or yourself
This seems fairly self-explanatory but it’s definitely worth mentioning. Engaging in sexual activities in front of others (or behind closed doors) puts people in a vulnerable position, however confident they may appear. Therefore, your respect for and towards everyone at a sex party has to be top of mind at all times.
It shouldn’t be too hard: just be a kind human being and respect those around you, as well as yourself!
The Takeaways
Sex parties can be a whole lot of fun and lead you to explore your sexuality in greater depth in a respectful, fun, safe way. As long as you follow guidelines/rules, protect yourself, and know the “do’s” and “don’ts”, you can have a truly wild time with other people that you might not normally get the chance to interact sexually with.
The bottom line is: have fun and be safe!
