Sexual Taboos (That Should Be Over)
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Ever felt like you really wanted to try something with a partner but have been too scared to bring it up? Feel like you can’t be open with your friends when you speak about sex because you might be judged? Sick of feeling a strange sense of guilt after you do something that actually brings you a lot of pleasure?
Well, sexual taboos are probably to blame!
Unfortunately, even if sexual progression seems to be happening more rapidly than ever before, there are still a lot of sexual taboos out there and although they’re seemingly pretty hard to knock down, we’re here to take a stand and start normalising aspects of sex that have been “not suitable for discussion” for a long time.
In this article we’re going to explore the world of sexual taboos, taking a look at why we hold so many sexual taboos as a collective, the most common sexual taboos, and what steps we can all take to normalise what we’re into.
So, let’s dive in and start breaking these taboos together.
What Are Sex Taboos?
Sex taboos, or sexual taboos, are acts that have a sexual nature and go beyond what society and culture deem acceptable. These acts, feelings, or experiences could also be seen to go against norms or be out of the ordinary.
Although there are certain sexual acts that are more commonly seen as sexual taboos than others, any sexual act that society deems unacceptable to speak about, discuss, or even try to understand is likely to be classed as a sexual taboo.
Where Do Sex Taboos Come From?
American anthropologist, Ernest Becker, suggested that “sex is such a problem because it reminds humans of their basic, core animal nature”, meaning that the entire concept of sex is taboo to openly discuss or accept because it brings us back to our core of being human. Whilst we identify with a lot of things, whether societal or cultural, we rarely like to identify with being, at our core, animals.
Therefore, Becker, and other anthropologists and psychologists alike, would suggest that we avoid thinking about it too much or talking about it openly because we tend to focus on other aspects such as mortality, religion, and beliefs, ultimately making the entire concept of sex a taboo subject.
Apart from sex-ed (which primarily focuses on the biology of sex and completely misses out on the pleasure aspect), there’s very little opportunity for people to discuss sex openly, especially when in their formative years and growing up.
Even in situations where sex is discussed, society pushes us to believe that sex should be one way, with a specific set of rules or a certain idea of what it should be like - let’s be real, this idea probably involves two heterosexual people having penetrative missionary sex that ends up in the man orgasming.
This stereotypical idea of sex has also been backed up by the media - think about how many films we’ve seen that portray this scenario.
Therefore, anything outside of this concept of what “suitable sex” looks like, may be seen as taboo.
Religious beliefs, cultural beliefs, and societal norms, may also have a more intense impact on what is seen as sexually taboo, especially when things are not tolerated, or even actively villainized.
Additionally, even if we think we’re open to sex, there may be certain things we see as taboos in our minds since they’ve been influenced by those around us: sexual acts that you may think are sexually taboo, like so many of our thoughts, are often pushed onto your subconscious by society, peers, and even parents: there are certain things that are more OK to discuss and other things that are deemed “weird” or “off-limits”.
8 Sexual Taboos That We Need To Move on From
Although it’s important to once again acknowledge that any sexual act could be seen as taboo, depending on your specific culture, religion, society, and peers, there are certain sexual taboos that are more common than others. So, let’s take a look at 8 of these!
Period Sex
Period sex, whether penetrative or not, is often shamed. There seems to be a stigma attached to it that it’s dirty, unhygienic, or simply just not attractive. However, that’s not the case at all!
In fact, having sex during a period is incredibly beneficial and pleasurable for two main reasons: women are often more aroused during their period and having sex can directly reduce period pain.
The fact that we also as a society push out the idea that period sex is unattractive simply isn’t true: most men (the kings among them especially) won’t be turned off by period sex, and might even enjoy the extra lubrication.
So, stick down a towel and enjoy the benefits that this time of the month brings, guilt-free!
Sex That Doesn’t Involve Penetration
Sex does not always have to involve penetration: there are a number of ways that people can have sex without penetration occurring at all, whether that’s completely staying away from the southern region of the body or other types of stimulation such as clitoral stimulation.
However, many people assume that non-penetrative sex is out of the ordinary and you’re not engaging in “real” sex if that’s what you’re into. To them, I say, maybe they should experience the joy of a little full-body massage!
Anal Sex
Anal sex can be seen as taboo because it may be seen as unhygienic. In a lot of cases, more concerningly, anal sex may be seen as taboo due to homophobic beliefs. However, anal sex is really not out of the ordinary: there are nerves within the anus that can let us experience immense pleasure, in particular for men, whose G-spot is the prostate, which is located in the anus. Therefore, anal sex or anal play can be incredibly pleasurable for a lot of people and shouldn’t be judged differently from other types of penetration.
If you love a bit of butt stuff, go ahead and enjoy it!
Using Toys During Sex
Bringing sex toys into the bedroom is often seen as taboo since there’s a belief that your partner’s body is not enough. This is quite frankly an insane chain of thought: sex toys are simply another element that’s brought into the sexual experience.
Sex toys are wonderful and if you can bring them into the bedroom with your partner(s), they can enhance the pleasure that everyone experiences. Additionally, sex toys may be especially important to couples that don’t or can’t engage in penetration. So, they definitely shouldn’t be looked down on!
Grab that vibrator and a lover and get to it!
BDSM
BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadochism and Masochism) is often heavily judged since there’s an underlying thought that to take pleasure from any of these acts, something has to be “wrong” with you, that the urge to engage in BDSM is due to some kind of trauma, it’s akin to non-consent.
Not only is this incredibly hurtful to the people in the BDSM community, but it’s downright not true. Exploring the world of BDSM is fully consensual (reminder: any type of sex without consent is not sex, it’s sexual assault), can bring incredibly heights of pleasure, and can be deeply fulfilling.
Having Kinks and Fantasies
Sexual fantasies or kinks are often looked down on or seen as taboo in a number of ways. Whether people assume what your kink says about you is concerning or your fantasy is too “abnormal”, there’s a lot of judgment thrown at those that take pleasure in doing or thinking about certain things.
With an Ann Summer’s survey showing that 75% of people have a specific fetish or fantasy, it’s clear that it’s not only extremely common to have them, but it’s something that we should all stop making such a fuss about: tell me not everyone has at least one fantasy idea, c’mon!
Not Having An Orgasm
Whilst orgasms are great, they’re not what makes sex pleasurable. However, a lot of people hold true to the idea that not orgasming is a sexual taboo, believing that every time you have sex you should be able to orgasm and sometimes even that it’s the sole purpose of having sex.
Firstly, do these people only have sex to get off? That doesn’t sound very exploratory or fun! Secondly, not everyone has the ability to orgasm yet can still enjoy sex. Thirdly, orgasms really aren’t the be-all and end-all and putting this much pressure on people to O every time only makes sexual anxiety and dysfunction worse.
There’s no shame in not “finishing” - it should be more about the journey anyway!
Having More Than One Partner
The idea of having more than one partner, whether that’s in the form of a threesome, an open relationship, a polyamorous relationship, or anything and everything in between, is often seen as sexually taboo. There’s been a long-standing belief that monogamous relationships are the way to go and that being sexual with other people that somehow means you’re not fulfilled by your main partner or you’re being unfaithful.
Having more than one partner in your sex life can be incredibly beneficial for people and there should be absolutely no shame in that. It blows my mind that we’re still commenting on people’s relationship statuses and sexual partners in this day and age. Relationships (sexual or romantic) with more than one partner actually often require a much deeper sense of trust, intimacy, and respect than monogamous relationships.
The Takeaway
Whether it’s taboo kinks or having sex on your period, you have to do whatever makes you feel good, advocate for your own pleasure, and continue to break down these sexual taboos, whether actively and in conversation with others, or by working to remove any third-party assigned guilt you may feel doing the things you love.
As long as it’s consensual, safe, and respectful, whatever we do in our own sex lives has nothing to do with anyone else and we have no right to place judgement on ourselves or others: we’re all just doing what brings us and those we’re with, joy.
So, screw the upholders of sexual taboos (maybe not literally, that doesn’t sound much fun!).
